


please never leave me

by jiminsphans



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Lowercase, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, some smut?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-26 03:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiminsphans/pseuds/jiminsphans
Summary: i’m lost in a continuous swirl of confusion and storms and i guess you never truly love just one person.





	1. c h a p t e r  1

“wonwoo!” mingyu whistled down the corridor from the kitchen where he told me he was baking cookies. a smile spreads across my face at the sound of his voice as i mark the page i was just reading and shuffle my feet into kitchen. the sun radiates through the large glass windows above the sink and the warm smell of cookie bake weaves its way through my nostrils. scanning the room, i search for the taller boy.

my eyes land on a tall figure with broad shoulders which are covered with a snowy white top standing in front of the marble counter. the muscles in his back prominently shine through the fabric and his arms flex with every movement he makes. with his back facing me, i allow myself to wonder down his back and past his waist. his legs are covered by grey tracksuit bottoms which hug his thighs tightly. my mind notices the roundness of his ass and i pull myself to look back up to his shoulders as he turned his body to face me.

“cookies”, i let out a breathy laugh as the word leaves my mouth. a feeling of heat radiates my cheeks and it is obvious that my face has turned a rosy shade of red. diverting my eyes, i search for the tray of newly baked goods and find them on the island situated in the centre of the kitchen. walking towards them, i take one from the top and sit down on the chair.

“i could tell you were checking me out, wonwoo”, mingyu allows his teeth to shine through his smug smile as he walks towards me. “i thought that wasn’t allowed in the _deal”_. the boy raised his eyebrows and a smirk rides his lips as he emphasises the word ‘deal’. i rolled my eyes, is he really using this against me?

“i wasn’t”, i lie through gritted teeth, lifting the baked good to my mouth, “and i don’t remember me not being allowed to check you out being in the _deal_ ”. i too put my emphasis on the word, mimicking the younger boy. without another word being said, i sink my teeth into the cookie and a suggestive moan rolls out of my throat at the taste of it. “mingyu! these are amazing”, i speak quickly, covering my mouth as i speak, attempting to cover up what i just so happened to have done.

a smirk spreads across mingyu’s face as he sits down facing me. “thanks”, the word leaves his mouth softly. the softness i want to listen to at 3am in the morning, instead of moans and harsh whispers.

“you drive me crazy, you know that?” mingyu blurts out suddenly causing me to choke on the cookie crumbs i just swallowed. my eyes widen and look into mingyu’s as he studies my reactions. what do i say? did he mean that romantically? i mentally slap myself back to reality as thoughts continue to race through my mind. thinking of what to come out with, i gulp loudly, breaking the silence that surrounded us.

after what had felt like hours, mingyu finally moved. standing up, he moves his eyes to the floor and moves away from the island. “i’ll be in the shower, finish them off, i am not hungry”. my eyes watch as mingyu walks towards the door, and i stand up too. what am i doing?

“wait!” i shout, it comes out far louder than what i expected. the taller boy turns his body, his eyes still glued to the floor. “what do you mean?” i sound vulnerable as the words come out of my mouth. still nothing but silence fills my ears.

\---

“and he just left”, my hands wrap around my warm coffee cup and take a sip. i watch as junhui’s eye ponder on mine as he thinks of something to say in return.

i notice that his deep brown irises have a darker and stronger shade which i compare to mingyu’s soft and gentle eyes. my attention watches the rest of junhui’s face, how his expressions are expressed through his perfectly shaped eyebrows, and his molded jawline stands out, structuring his face. i’m intrigued by his posture, how he holds his coffee in his hands so gently and how he doesn’t even have to breathe for me to fall for him.

“oh wonwoo, what will we do?” junhui finally speaks, letting out a husky laugh. it startles me slightly. i lean back into the chair and allow myself to sink down further into the cushion behind me. the other boy also follows my actions and slumps down. his shoulders no longer hold the strong posture they had before, but a relaxed structure giving out a soft impression to himself. we sit in silence, but it isn’t uncomfortable, nor was it in anyway like the thick and loud silence that was held between mingyu and i not too long beforehand. a loud sigh escapes my lips as i look over to junhui. his lips are pursed, and he looks as though he wants to say something.

“what’s wrong?” i question, sitting up again as i set my coffee back onto the table. junhui mirrors me, setting his coffee down against mine as sets his elbows onto his knees, locking his dark eyes with mine with no expression crossing his face. junhui is a strange character, but i take delight being in his presence. still no answer. i lift my arm across the table and poke him in the shoulder. “come on! jun, tell me”, i whine in a childish voice.

“i may have a big crush on minghao and i don’t know what to do about it”, junhui blurts out all at once and i freeze in place. this was not what i expected to hear but i had seen it coming this way. minghao is close to junhui, very close in fact. he's closer to junhui than i've ever been and i’ve known him my whole life.

“what?” the word comes out of my mouth rushed and harsh. i am completely speechless. my mind continues to rush, and i feel dizzy. did i come across offensive when is said that? i sit up taller, regaining my posture and i smile at him.

“yeah”, junhui laughs mindlessly, “i’ve liked him for a while now, and you’re my best friend wonwoo! i thought you should be the first to know.” he smiles at me, that genuine soft smile that i fell in love with. trying not to show negative emotions, i keep myself together by giving him another smile.

“i’m glad i’m the first to know”, i laugh with a smile which doesn’t quite reach my eyes. my arm reaches forward to grab my phone from the table and i shuffle my legs slightly to indicate i am planning to leave. pressing the home button on my mobile, i pretend to have read a notification before stuttering quietly the words, “i have to go”. junhui’s eyes follow my movements as i grasp for the straps of my bag. swinging my bag over my shoulder, i search for the door and issue towards it, not reaching junhui’s eye on my departure. “i’ll see you around”, i look back and see junhui looking right at me. he acknowledges my quiet words and nods, allowing me to leave.

i’m happy for him. i repeat these words continuously until my cold cheeks begin to feel the burning stains that my tears have made. my feet take me the long way back to my apartment, giving me a moment to rethink the situation i have put myself into. kicking stones that lie scattered along the ground below me, i wrap my arms around my body, pulling tightly at my hips. the sky has darkened, and hard pelts of rain hit my face. today could not get any worse. my pace quickens. i break into a sprint and run fast, wishing i could run away from my problems just as swiftly.

\---

i arrive the front door and reach for my key deep inside my jean pocket. panting loudly, i fumble with the lock. eventually, i am successful and fall through the door with tiredness. pushing the door closed, i strip off the dampened clothes stuck to my body and place them into the washing machine, conveniently placed close by. a laugh escapes my lips as i press the machine on and i feel as though finally i can relax. i take a moment to breathe in and out, feeling as though i had been holding my breath all day.

“oh!” i hear a scream from behind me and i turn around to find a tall figure hunched over themselves sighing out of relief. a pan in their hand, i continue to stare. mingyu. my breathing hitches and i step back, hitting my back off the vibrating machine. halting in place, my eyes watch as he stands up straight and laughs. a feeling of confusion and shock runs through my body. “i heard rustling, i thought someone was breaking in so i, you know, protected myself”, he laughs and shakes the pan above his head. a loud laugh escapes my lips, he is such a dork.

the realisation soon crosses my mind, stopping my laughing abruptly, to conclude that i am still naked. i place my arms over my body and sink backwards. mingyu is standing in front of me, i can’t exactly leave. the younger boy seems to realise my uncomfortableness and rolls his eyes. “come on wonwoo, i’ve seen it all before”, a suggestive smirk runs over his face as he lifts his arms over his head. the white top, which i notice he still has on from earlier this morning, is pulled from his body, over his head and thrown towards me. “stick it on”, he says bluntly, watching me as i fumble with his shirt. my hands clutch at the material and i try my best to not seem as effected by all this. i’ve worn his clothes before, however today seems different. my stomach twists and i am finally triumphant in putting the top over my head. my eyes look up and i meet mingyu’s chest. he has moved closer, much closer. “breathe wonwoo”, he sighs into my hair. “you haven’t taken a breath since you had seen me with the pan”. i can feel him smiling into my hair and i move my head to meet his eyes.

his eyes have a soft, tired look in them and the corners sparkle as though they were stars in a night sky. our foreheads touch and our quiet breaths fall in rhythm with one another. i take my hand a place it on mingyu’s cheek, caressing the side of his face slowly as he leans against my touch. leaning forward, i kiss him.

it isn’t lustful like all our past kisses. it isn’t desperate, nor is it rushed. the taller boy gently pulls me into his chest and deepens the kiss. his long fingers intertwine in my dark hair and i place both my hands on his face. mingyu turns me around and pushes me against the wall, keeping our lips and chests connected. his mouth was warm, and his soft lips were like velvet.

pulling away, we take fast heavy breaths. taking my hands from the younger boy’s face, i wrap them around his naked torso and pull him closer to me. hugging him tightly, craving a sense of comfort the kiss never gave me, i rest my head upon his chest. we stand close together in silence as we regain our breaths and our sober, conscious minds.

i want to stay here, in this position with mingyu. i want our kisses to always have that feeling between them and i no longer want to have a sexualised reason to kiss him, to stand next to him or simply hold him. as thoughts gather, my mind is subconsciously brought back to junhui and his confession to me. what about junhui and my feelings for him?

as my mind crosses junhui, i don’t notice that mingyu has left my embrace. i don’t notice the coldness that now surrounds me nor the lack of comfort i still feel.

i take my body into my bedroom, closing the door so that once again, i am alone.

 


	2. c h a p t e r  2

_“hi, excuse me. you are wonwoo right?” i look up at a tall, thin boy with ruffled brown hair who questions me. my eyes express confusion as i nod, acknowledging him. the boy quickly scrambles past and takes a seat in front of me. placing his face close to me, his big dark eyes stare into mine with a radiance of happiness. i lean back, he is intruding on my personal space. “great!!” he breathes his minty breath in my face. my eyes begin to burn with annoyance at his exaggerated extroverted energy. it is too early for me to mentally function properly, and this coffee doesn’t seem to make my brain work any faster so i just sigh._

_“you know junnie then, am i correct?” what type of nickname is ‘junnie’? “he told me you took law here and that i should get to know you. i’m minghao”, he places his hand in front of my face, wiggling it for me to give him a handshake or high five. i want neither._

_“minghao”, i seethe through my teeth as i gather the energy to not seem like a dick. “jun talks about you a lot to me, i didn’t even know you went here. he never even said…” i trail off as i remember back to the conversation i had with junhui a few days ago. i stand no chance against minghao, i didn’t realise he has such an outgoing personality with big dark eyes. “anyways”, i change subject harshly, “what?”_

_“i just want to get to know you better”, he laughs._

it’s only a tuesday morning and i have found myself sitting in front of junhui’s _crush-_ i mean friend, minghao, sipping on decaf coffee which tastes like tree bark.  i watch in annoyance as the smaller framed chinese boy flicks through his phone, laughing occasionally.

i open my leather notebook, which i should add that mingyu got me, and flick through to mentally note what i have planned to study today. i sigh loudly and fold my book back over. laying my head on my arm, i figure that if i catch up on five minutes of sleep now, it could keep me going until lunch. hopefully.

“can i tell you something and ask for an opinion?” minghao suddenly asks, pulling me out of my sleep. lifting my head from my arm, i look at him to continue. he looks worried, a contrasting expression from before. sighing, he continues.

“uhm, you are roommates with mingyu?” he questions, raising his pitch slightly. i nod, what does he want with mingyu? first junhui, now-

“i, well, you see, we take photography classes together and we have really got to know each other. well not too well, it’s only been a few weeks, you would know, you live together. and i want to know him a lot better, and, well…”

“minghao, calm down, just get to the point”, i blurt out, stopping him mid-sentence.

“i want to take him out on a date, i really like him”.

“wait, what?!” i scream slightly. my body darts up straight and my heart starts running at a fast pace (you’re going to fast baby). unlike the coffee, this woke me up. “what? what?” i question repeatedly. my eyes glare at him. minghao looks scared of my reaction.

“i mean”, looking around, other students stare at me in disgust at how loud i was being. i just smile slightly back at them, mouthing sorry before looking back at the chinese boy. taking a deep breath, i intertwine my hands together under the table and lower my voice.

“who wouldn’t like mingyu”, i laugh awkwardly, hoping to break the tension. minghao doesn’t seem to notice my perplexity and shock. “and who also wouldn’t want to take him out for a date”, i’m still awkwardly laughing.

thankfully, he just takes this lightly and giggles. “i don’t mean this jokingly, i really like him and,” he hands me a piece of paper, “i want you to give him my number. i have to go to class now wonwoo, i hope to see you around. and thanks”. i take the paper in my hand as he just leaves suddenly.

i’m speechless. what just happened? what do i tell junhui, and even mingyu?

my legs finally take me away from the table and i head home. i don’t have classes today, i came to study, but i’m too tired to even think, let alone my mind is elsewhere. pulling my phone out of my pocket, i text junhui.

 **wonwoo the great:** yo, you up for getting some coffee? i’m free today

\- - -

mingyu opens the car door first, stepping out and adjusting his tight black jeans. he leans over into the car and watches as i fumble with my keys and phone.

“come on, you sloth”, mingyu grins widely at me before breaking out into a deep laugh as i shoot him a scowl before stretching my legs out of the door. locking the car, i run to get a shopping trolley and stroll up beside mingyu. the younger flings his arms in the air as we approach the automatic doors, giving the impression that he opened it, _magically_. i laugh loudly at this. he is such a child.

junhui never replied to my text, so mingyu took the advantage of us both being free to buy groceries. i didn’t argue as we did need food, however i really enjoy shopping with mingyu, so it was really a win win situation.

mingyu abruptly stops, causing me to run into the heels of his feet. “sorry”, mingyu cuts me off, as he spins around and stares at me with panic.

“do you have the list?!” he screams. he sounds like a mother who has just lost her child. mingyu begins pulling his hands in and out of his pockets before running over to mine and putting his hands through mine. he yanks his hand out of my back pocket with a piece of paper in his hand and i stop laughing at his hysterical state.

minghao’s number.

“that’s not it!” i squeal as i pull it out of his hand. i crumple the piece of paper and throw it in the bin, which is conveniently behind us. “you must have left it at home. let’s go on without, we don’t need much”, quickly changing subject, i try comforting him.

mingyu is very serious about having lists and writes everything down as he tends forgets a lot. he is generally very organised, which adds to why he makes them. it doesn’t bother me much, apart from when they get out of hand and i begin finding them in most of my pockets.

it ended up being a quick shop consisting of mingyu walking around beside the trolley with his arms crossed, in a huff and asking me if i had any idea of what we had ran out of. i eventually had to search the internet for meals we could make over the week and we based the foods we bought on what the recipe said was needed, with me secretly adding in extra snacks.

“but what if we have forgot something”, he whined as i continued to place items onto the long belt thing that moves. rolling my eyes, i push him to the end of the counter to start packing, assuring him, for what seemed like the millionth time, that it doesn’t matter.

the cashier was an old lady with big circular glasses covering most her face. she grinned widely at mingyu as he reluctantly approached and began a conversation about how to pack properly as if he had never done it before. i wait for him to finish packing before taking the trolley in my hands and begin pushing it towards mingyu.

mingyu took the two fully packed bags in his hand and left with the trolley as i paid. “you two look so cute together”, she giggles, while i count the money in my hand. i look up and gawk at her widely. “it’s not like that”, i awkwardly rub the back of my neck as i hand her over the money. she nods at me, and sarcastically mutters “sure”.

“it’s not like that, because we _are_ cute together”, mingyu appears from behind me and smiles slyly at the cashier as she gives over the change. i spit out the word “thanks” as the younger boy hands me a bag and takes my other free hand in his.

“you didn’t have to be so mean”, i nudge him with my elbow, admiring how our hands fit together perfectly. his long fingers intertwine with mine and i am suddenly very aware as to how sweaty my hands have become.

“i wasn’t mean, i was just proving her right”, he says, smiling over his shoulder and tightening his grip on my hand, pulling me to walk faster.

\- - -

**-**

**daddy squad lolz**

**daddy choi:** wonwoo, my dood come meet me and han at the bar plzzzzzzzzzzzz

 **rapgodhan:** jesus, just come save me please. bring gyu if you want

 **long bean:** ugh sure lemme ask gyu

 **daddy choi:** he gotta get his boyfriend to confirm plans oOoOOoOooOO

-

slumping my body over the back of the couch, i lean over mingyus shoulder. “we have plans. look!”, i scream, purposely scaring the younger, causing him to start screaming too. laughing, i hand my phone to him, waiting for a reply.

“daddy squad?” he questions as he turns his body to face me with a serious face before laughing loudly. “seungcheol has problems” i shrug, watching his face as he scans the message.

“i would love to”, he smirks, and i begin to thank the lords above, i cannot deal with either of them alo- “but i have course work due for tomorrow and i haven’t even started”. i let out a loud sigh and allow my body to fall over the back of the couch, onto some pillows. mingyu smiles apologetically above my face and i sigh even louder.

“no won”, he laughs as he gets up and shuffles over to the counter to unplug his phone. “come on! it won’t be too long, and you know how drunk they can get”. i’m shit at persuading people.

“just go. you’ll be off your head as well anyways, so stop complaining”, mingyu states clearly and i roll onto the floor which i came to regret as my back rang with pain. “fine!” i moaned as i got up and dragged myself to the hallway to receive my shoes.

“i’ll probably be home late, don’t stay up!” i shout from the front door. “i never do!” the younger laughs back as i lock the front door.

he is such a hot loser.

-

 **long bean:** just me coming, i’ll be there soon

 **long bean:** and he isn’t my bf

-

after around 15 minutes of padding my feet towards town, i am finally seated beside a surprisingly sober hansol and an incredibly drunk seungcheol, in a dark overcrowded bar.

“what do you want”, hansol points to the bar and i just shrug. “the usual”, hansol nods and gets up, leaving me with seungcheol.

“so, how many drinks have you had”, i poke him in the head. the older boy lifts himself and just glares at me without speaking. i guess something was wrong, so i ask the usual, “what happened?” and suddenly seungcheol starts crying.

“why am i so unworthy of love?!” he screams loudly while tears roll down his cheeks. i just laugh, he is useless at taking advice, plus he is wasted, so i’m not going to bother try talking back. he is so dramatic, and i continuously think about how jeonghan must feel having to stick with him.

we just both sit in silence. the loud music around me over takes my ears and i can just about hear seungcheol sniffling in the corner of the booth.

hansol eventually takes his seat next to the older boy and pats him on the back, passing me my drink and taking a sip of his own.

“i’ve needed this”, pointing to his glass and then over to seungcheol, “lover boy here hasn’t received a text back in four hours, so he thinks jeonghan hates him”. i laugh even louder than when he started crying.

“seriously?” i take a breath, before laughing again, “cheol, he has a life, don’t be so dramatic!” i notice hansol glaring me down in the corner of my eye for saying this.

seungcheol suddenly stands up and hangs over the table and leans in close. “i am his life!” his alcohol stained breath screams in my face and he begins to cry again. i look to hansol who just shrugs his shoulders, a smirk gliding over his lips. “same happened to me, don’t worry”, he assures me before going back to patting seungcheol comfortingly on the back.

a vibration buzzes along my leg and i pull my phone out of my pocket. junhui’s face appears on my screen and i answer, placing my phone against my ear.

 _“hey, won”,_ jun speaks softly down the phone. “hey what’s up jun?” i answer, putting a finger in my ear to block out seungcheol’s loud squealing.

_“sorry i didn’t reply earlier. i was caught up with hao. you still up for that coffee?”_

“i’m at the bar with han and seungcheol, you wanna meet me here?”

_“sure, i’ll be there soon. usual place?”_

“yeah, see you soon!”

i hang up and sink backwards into the cushioned bench below me. “junhui is meeting us”, i state across the table to the other two bored looking boys. hansol acknowledges and nods, and seungcheol copies before taking another swing of his drink.

before junhui arrives, i rundown with hansol the situation i am in. i mention about minghao talking to me this morning, mingyu taking my hand and the fact i am madly head over heels for junhui and mingyu.

“knew it!” hansol exclaims loudly after i finished. “i could totally tell by how lovingly you look at both of them when we all get together”. i smile at him as he seems so proud of himself for guessing. hansol is so laid back and understands everything you tell him. i trust him more than mingyu, and junhui. both boys spread secrets like wildfire.

“so, what are you going to do about this minghao situation?” he questions me, and i just shrug. “i really don’t know”.

“did someone say minghao?” junhui’s laugh rings through my ears and i freeze in place. i swing my body around and begin stuttering. “uhm, yeah, i, i was asking hansol if he knew him, i met minghao this morning”. i blurt this all out suddenly, but he seems to buy it, as he pushes me sideways, so he can sit down.

junhui leans across and asks hansol if he could get him a drink, and i just let out a large sigh. seungcheol seems to be asleep, so i move his drink out of his hand and mention to hansol about getting him some water while he is at the bar.

“you wouldn’t believe what minghao did for me earlier!” junhui turns to me and spits out as hansol leaves. i just raise my eyebrows at him and he continues to talk on. my mind zones out as he speaks about the other chinese boy and how madly in love he is with him. “so, then he gave me a hug and told me that we should hang out again tomorrow, i’m so excited!!” he finishes his long speech about his lover and i just nod.

“that’s cool”, i smile, drinking the last of my second pint of beer. hansol is nowhere to be seen and seungcheol is still out for the count. i intertwine my hands together on my lap, looking down and i think back to how mingyu held my hand earlier.

mid thought, junhui places his head on my shoulder and takes one of my hands in his. “you seem so out of it won, what’s wrong?” he quietly asks, and i just sit in shock as he runs his thumb along my hand. “i’m okay” i lie as i lean my head on his.

it has been at least 3 hours since junhui took my hand, and he hasn’t let go since. we talked about minghao and i mentioned that he knew mingyu. junhui obviously already knew all of this and filled me in on parts that i missed out. he asked me about how things are with mingyu and suggested that the four of us should hang out. i declined this suggestion, knowing how much of a pit of hell it would be for me. however, junhui obliged, lifted his phone and contacted both minghao and mingyu to confirm plans.

to my dismay, they both agreed, and the date has been set for friday.

the table is littered with more pint glasses than i remember drinking and the sound of the bar has quietened. the only sound that can be heard are the loud snores from both hansol and seungcheol along with a group of girls on the other side, pointing and giggling at us.

i’m wasted, and i’m pretty sure junhui is too.

the movements of his chest can be felt along my arm and the feeling of his eyes on me causes me to move my head. i look down at him and our faces are so close that our noses touch. his eyes fix on mine and soon enough our breathing falls into rhythm. my eyes begin move back and forth from his pink plump lips and then back to his eyes. my mind races and everything begins happening quickly. our lips graze and as junhui leans in, i move backwards.

junhui moves his body off me and we just stare at each other. i’m too out of it to be properly processing what is happening. his face expresses a mixture between anger and sadness. the older begins to gather his coat and put on his shoes, which he seemed to have taken off for some reason while we were talking. he stands up and moves over to hansol, nudging his arm and telling the half-asleep boy that he is going to leave. hansol just nods, probably not processing a word just said, and junhui turns on his heel.

he proceeds to leave without another word and i lean across the table to grab his arm. my altered conscious mind finally realises what is going on. he stops moving and just looks at me blankly.

“wonwoo”, he spits my name with anger and i pause. he has never used my full first name before. “get off me wonwoo, i’m leaving”. he attempts to tug his arm away from my grip and i let go, causing the words i want to say to come out of my mouth faster than i can think them.

“do you love me, junhui?”


	3. c h a p t e r 3

_**junhui pov.** _

wonwoo takes my hand slowly and mutters softly, “answer me junhui, please…” i feel my eyes begin to widen, i am speechless. my feet find themselves shuffling and my eyes don't know where to look. they finally find themselves on wonwoo’s pale face and watch as tears begin to stain his red cheeks from the heat of the room. my hands grip his fingers tightly and the clamminess of his palms doesn’t bother me as we lock them together. i place myself down beside the younger male and embrace his tightly. his hands pull at my white shirt, now stained wet with his tears and i bring him closer to me. i inhale a breath slowly as i nuzzle my head into his hair, before breathing out and whispering words i have wanted to say for years.

“i love you wonwoo”, it is silent and still and i feel as though i have made the world stop with these words. wonwoo’s sniffling has come to an end and he turns his head to look up at me. he looks unassured and i repeat my words again before his lips are suddenly on mine. he smiles into the kiss and i lean forward, tasting the saltiness of his tears on his lips. its passionate and strong and boy i have wanted this for so long. our heavy breathing falls in rhythm with one another and i begin to laugh and so does wonwoo, a laughter which is soothing to everyone’s ears. a familiar ringtone plays from behind wonwoo and the younger pulls back to retrieve his phone from his back pocket. i place my hands on his thigh and move closer to rest my head on his shoulder. a bright light emerges, and the face of a smiling boy appears on wonwoo’s phone screen. he puts the phone to his ear and speaks two words which crush my heart instantly. “hey baby”.

the smile on my face falls and i look wonwoo dead in the eyes, “baby?”, i mouth at him and his eyes begin to widen at the realisation “jun, no! mingyu, wait a second”, words fall out of his mouth fast and i grab my belongings once again and walk away. this always happens when i confess my feelings. i’m always shut straight back down again.

the cold air hits me in the face sharply as i open the door. the streets are black and an area within eyesight is lit up by a tall lamppost. i reach my hand into my pocket and find my mobile is not there. i must have left it on the table and i'm too angry to go back inside to get it. “hansol may pick it up”, i mutter to myself before turning on my heels and walking away from the bar. i don’t know what time it is, but the streets are dead, and the only life lingering around is the stray cats looking for food. i don’t know how long i have been walking for or what direction i am going in, but i find myself wandering back through a street of houses which look familiar. minghao wouldn’t mind if i crash at his tonight, right? my eyes gaze around the tall dark buildings and suddenly land upon a tall figure running towards me. my first instinct was to run in the opposite direction, but my body stops dead in its' tracks.

mingyu.

“hey jun! were you not just with wonwoo?” he stops in front of me and without any thought, my fist collides with his face. the pain of my knuckles in contact with his jaw ricochets pain through my wrist as the taller boy crashes to the ground. he holds his face and looks at me in utter shock. i can see disbelief cross his face as he tries to take in what happened. my whole body freezes and i don’t seem to remember when minghao got here, but the younger chinese boy is now standing in front of me glancing between myself and mingyu who lies on the ground, crying. i feel my legs go numb and nothing in my mind makes sense. mingyu is lying on the floor and suddenly so am i…

“has he been drinking?” a deep voice appears from over me, i don’t recognise it. where am i? “i think so?” another voice speaks, a soft one, “i only came to give mingyu his wallet as he left it at mine and junnie- i mean jun was here standing here as well”. minghao?! my eyes open wide and a group of unfamiliar faces appear in my vision. behind them i can see mingyu standing with an ice pack against his face as he talks to a police officer, glancing over at me and just as i make eye contact with mingyu, a paramedic moves over me. i look around for minghao and find he is crouched down at my feet. he looks worried and i would do anything right now to hug him and reassure him that i’m okay.

“he may seem okay; however, his vitals say otherwise so we will take him to the hospital to run further checks”, the deep voice who spoke before announces this to the group around me. there is hustling around me and soon i am being lifted into the back of an ambulance, watching minghao trail along after me. my head is sore, and my eyes hurt when i open them, but the feelings fade as i land my eyes on the body of the small chinese boy.

“hey”, i mumble to him. he takes a seat beside me before reaching forward and taking my hand closest to him. a tear rolls down his cheek as he plays with my fingers. we don’t say anything, and as my eyes watch him cry, i am reminded of wonwoo who i left in that bar before i got myself into this mess. i lean back into the bed i am lying on as tears begin to roll down my cheeks. not only am i scared but i’m confused and worried. what am i doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't posted in a while but hello!


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